Archive for September, 2010

Get Married

September 9, 2010 Leave a comment

Marriage is still a universal phenomena in Indian society … there are no questions as to if a person wants to get married or not … it is just the thing that everyone has to do … there are no doubts in it. It’s just a matter of time. So any one who doesn’t get married till 30’s or so is first considered to be mad… choosy … fussy…having high expectations and then as they tumble down the thirties … if it’s a girl then they become frustrated… too independent…selfish and if it’s a guy then he is too difficult … has an affaire with someone from other caste/religion or is seeing another man!

There are no other connotations … everything has been decided and the actual players have no say … they just have to listen and not retaliate and if someone does answer back or tries to argue then … “yeh to hath se nikal gayi/gaya hai… or isse apne ghar waalon ka koi khayal nahin hai”

Now I consider myself to be too lucky… I have a set of parents plus a group of relatives who are slightly deviant from the usual behavior and hence I don’t get to hear all this at home or in any other social functions… though I know that people from outside do sympathize with my clan for my status of ‘single’

So this post is actually a tribute to all those who have issues and consider me to be frustrated … pompous … marriage hater … suffering from anti-man syndrome and totally against marriage … for as per them there is no other reason for me being single!

People would say that being single I can not and should not write about it … I have no authority on it. I differ … for marriage is one topic which does not leave me and I can write quite a bit about it …from various angles. I am the kind of person who can say more about it … for I see it from a distance and hence see it with more clarity! I see the hurdles … the problems … the weakness … the mistakes … the delays!

A lot of reasons come to me as I think of why should one decide to get married and when one should decide it … and it is with this angle that I look at marriage today … from the angle of an unmarried who for a change wants to get married but has some inhibitions … restrictions…hesitations…

  • Get married … soon… in early twenties…for as we grow we become rigid and fixed in our ideas … our exposure increases … we get to know the pros and cons of everything…we know we can manage all…we have heard so many stories of married ones
  • Get married … whenever you find the right person… don’t bother if it’s too early or you are still not successful…do not have enough bank balance … or the big car… or the swanky apartment… or ‘the’ designation
  • Get married … even if your parents don’t like the person …  but you know he is the right one for you
  • Get married … even if that means you are being selfish or so your parents make you feel … as you are not marrying their choice
  • Get married … with the person whom you think is good for you … as your parents may not find any one who is good enough for you … as you are the best one for them and no one measures up to you
  • Get married … not for the society but for your own self…for only you have to live with yourself
  • Get married … only if you have a valid enough reason and not because your best friend is doing so
  • Get married … and be ready for working on your marriage
  • Get married … and be ready to face surprises and shocks of varied shapes and sizes
  • Get married … and be ready to face politics from one and all in your own family and your spouse’s family
  • Get married … but never out of pity… on rebound… for revenge … or avenge… or family name … and never for the heck of getting married …
  • Get married … only for love … which may begin as infatuation … simple liking … admiration … respect … any of these positive feeling … there will be more chances of survival!
  • Get married … knowing that you may have to leave the person … for marriage is a gamble and there are equal chances of it not working out…

But do GET MARRIED… and leave no space for REGRET

Categories: Trivia Tags: , , ,

Speech is silver … Silence is golden

September 8, 2010 Leave a comment

Had always read and heard

Speech is silver … Silence is golden

Never pondered on it … being of the arrogant and the ignorant generation!

Now that I am down with fever and have a bad throat … and the only sound that comes out of my throat is that of a frog… am being forced to understand that there might be some meaning to it!

Dunno where I caught it from … the rain … cool cold drinks … or wherever … just know that it’s difficult to speak as it hurts and takes more effort on my side and still there is no surety that it would be understood correctly on the other side! So for past 2 days, have been rationing my speech … speaking less, in low tones and sometimes going mum to avoid complexities.

Initially it happened adhoc … I would speak and then cough … speak and cough … and go silent …

Then it dawned that I need to be careful if I want to rest my vocal chords and still communicate. And since then I am on a different learning curve … learning how to communicate when the resources (in this case my voice) are in scarcity!

But it’s a struggle … to not speak and stay silent … to contemplate before speaking out … to first decide and then speak … all the mumblings and blah blahs have suddenly to be avoided … and only the most relevant phrases to be echoed!

Currently it’s all about ‘connecting with people’ through SMS and internet chatting for me!

So this situation has brought out the importance of ‘silver’ speech … of the ability to talk… something that we take so for granted. And the realization has come only now when I am almost on ‘mute’ mode. For no matter how much we may write and tweet … it’s usually the one on one conversations that make things happen. Talking face to face or through any electric/electronic medium is the most important part of any successful deal both in personal and professional setting. And if communication is effective only when it’s two way (as the Koltler says) then verbal communication for sure forms the biggest part of it all!

For me it’s even more difficult … why coz I usually sort out problems and take decisions after a proper verbal conversation with myself! (People who know me know this including my boss!)

So the problem is huge … but there is always another side and here the other side is … not talking gives a chance to listen more … to think more about all the pending things … which have been getting backlogged … to contemplate more … to plot more (if u r the saas bahu types!) … to worry more … to  write more …!

The fact is that as one can talk only as much in this state of sore throat, one learns how to communicate effectively and efficiently … using less of words … with little of background information and using right/correct words!

Now giving little of background information while explaining anything has always been of interest to me … coz I find that most of us have to tell an entire story before reaching the relevant point. This is one aspect which is very easily dealt with in most of the communication chapters … they usually say ‘be clear and crisp’ and their job is over. But how does this happen and what are the reasons for so … is there any explanation?

See what I mean little background information!

A sore throat helps in being crisp and short!

So much for communication externally … lets take it internal.

A sore throat also helps in connecting with oneself … for no one else understands what we are saying and also it’s much easier to connect with one’s own self without any sounds and voices/conversations around. The silence which may bother in the beginning slowly starts comforting. For a change its vacuum outside and action inside … it’s like a solitary confinement. A good time for trying out meditation and reaching out to the higher level of living … thus converting the Silver speech in to Golden Silence!

That’s my hypothesis and my ‘hence proved’ … u can have yours!

Categories: Trivia Tags: ,